For just one day?

If we could do anything, anywhere for a day..... Hmmm.... Ok, I got it. It may take a few more 24-hour installments. Ok, we road trip to Maine firstly. Rent a killer boat about the size of a small room and pack a heavy amount of goodies in all the secret crevices. I'm talkin serious amounts of chocolate donuts, soda, candy, and french fries. Next, we'll head to some quaint, cliche fishing store which we both fall in love with immediately. Mostly because the guy behind the counter has no idea he runs a fishing store, and wears a bright orange hat that aptly reads, "Gone Fishin'". You peruse the store and acquire all the correct equipment for deep-sea fishing. I aimlessly pick up random things that I think will enhance our adventure which include, but are not limited to: 3 ring-pops, a Jim Croce album, thimbles-because they're fun to say-, and purple energy drinks. We approach the innoculate cashier/owner/cool-guy, he runs through the monetary motions, and finally says, "You be sure to wear a raincoat." To which we reply, "We would love to not forget to wear our raincoats, but there's no rain, and no raincoats available." He gets confused and ignores us in every way possible. I leave a tip.

We're off the coast, choppy waves, catching swordfish. We can't stop throwing up from all the commotion and formerly ingested sugar. I quickly realize I don't know how to fish, and you're on your own. I'm laughing at you hysterically because you're doubled-over in stomach pains but still able to catch fish. The image is astounding and by all accounts impossible, but you're determined and know you'll want to eat fish later. I'm sad because I didn't get to say, "We're gonna need a bigger boat!" and we head back to shore hahaha with one small fish that we named "swordfish". hahaha yiiiiiikes!

It starts to rain.

We regret not taking store-guy seriously.

He was right.

He was also extremely high.

Instead of wasting a good rain, we take the opposite approach and take off all unnecessary clothing and begin to dance. it's freezing, and Swordfish is fidgeting with each rain drop trying to survive. The sun comes out, threatening the rain and the rain says, "Let's hang out for a bit." The sun complies and apologizes for trying to dominate the sky. Consequently, two rainbows appear. We decide to investigate the source of said rainbows, and catch any of your leprachaun buddies in the process of planting fake gold, but find nothing except a unicorn that reprimands us for finding it and tells us to get out of there. We start to poke it in hopes that it will ooze magic, but it just gets pissed and runs away cursing at us in the process.

We decide to take a more mild approach and dive for lobsters instead. We capture a bunch, but Swordfish gets jealous so we leave them all where we found them.

We're starving, half-naked, and freezing. We hit up a steak house down the street, and they kick us out for our immodest clothing. We asked for a raincoat, but they didn't want to give us any if they had them. I run to the kitchen and grab as much food as I can while you create the diversion of a mad man who can't find his intelligence. You see me rounding the corner and finish the gesture with dunking Swordfish in the pitcher of a water at a table compiled of men in suits with signs that read, "we can probably send you to court, and the Clam Chowder is delicious." We meet up, quickly divvy our provisions for an agile escape, and book it.

We hear sirens.

It stops raining, we find our clothes, get in our car and drive out of town like nothing at all happened. We see the cops, stop them, and tell them we heard a bunch of commotion at the local steak house and are put-off by the disturbances. They apologize and encourage us to visit again. We set fire to the Welcome to Maine sign and hit the open road. You drive first because I call "not it." As you drive, I read aloud from John Updike's "Rabbit Run", and we listen to the Velvet Underground, Silver Jews, and Jim Morrison. Swordfish loves the tumult of the road, and smiles.