I mean, what?

I came to work this morning to a slew of emails that were in response to my apparent emails to them. I didn't email ANYBODY in the office yesterday. Years later, I discovered the KKK in the next cubicle had gotten onto my computer and sent out prank emails and phone calls to various peeps. Out of retaliation, the following is my response to her (KKK=kaitlynn.)

Kaitlynn,

You sent that as a joke, but I mean it from my heart. My cold, dark heart. Also, I forgot my wedding ring in my gym stupid bag and now I’m sad. Also, there’s a bad accident on university parkway, so be careful. Also, I made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies last night and had three and forgot to bring the rest to work where I would probably eat three more but it’s ok because I’m as sore as a building. A building! Also, I had a wonderful sleep filled with dreams of Colby diggin’ this other chick. Also, he told me last night that he wants to live in the middle east for two years. I told him, “Hey, I’d like to live with unicorns on magic flowers for two years but I just don’t think it’s gonna happen”. Then, I realized that I really want a caffeine free coke because the taste is so good. Uh-oh, just got tired. Better make that a caffeinated coke. With some of your straw berries. Maybe I just want that  for two years. And to bake in a large kitchen with easy clean-up. When we gonna chill with Jayci again? That was kickin’. Also…. What else….

I’m trying to make you regret prank emailing and calling from my desk.

Is it working?

Let’s ditch work, go running, go tanning, get a smoothie from jamba, and talk about the better times hahaha

Better yet, we’ll invent a time machine. A CMS time machine, and travel back to 1993, buy a crappy convertible and drive to Seattle. We’ll arrive with windswept hair, empty boxes of chocolate dunford donuts, three cans of soda, silly string, easy cheese (no crackers), real I.D.’s (wait, I’ll be seven and you’ll be five. Does the time machine keep us the same age???) Then we’ll hit the local pizza joint, which is to die for, make fun of the hobo’s on EVERY CORNER, visit the farmer’s market and make a delicious dinner at a friend’s house. We will make friends at the pizza place, and the market. A good combination of stoners, and hippie’s. Then we’ll tour the city, and meet a guy named Jimmy Hendricks who is 6 feet tall and pale. We’ll tell him how ironic it is that he’s standing outside the largest museum of rock n’ roll music in the world. He’ll backhand us. We’ll apologize like good little biyatches and respect him enough to excuse ourselves.

After that, since Canada is so close, we will toilet paper them. Toilet paper Canada. It sounds like a lot of TP, but I think only 6 people actually live there, so it’ll be a direct hit n’ run.

After that, we’ll discuss all our qualms and iron them out. Such as, at this point I’m sick of the fact that you refuse to shower and keep farting in the car and not rolling down the window. I’m fed up with it because you think it’s so funny. Hysterical. I don’t appreciate you going to as many Maverick’s as you can just to get the loaded nachos because you know they give you hellacious gas. It’s not funny! And you can tell me that all my self-loathing is getting old and to shut my trap before you shut it for me. Which you would probably be able to do by forcing me to evacuate a 20 mile radius of your incessant, smelly methane release.

After that, we’ll meet Elton John at an outside mall and ask if he wants to eat a cinnamon roll with us in the food court. To which he will presumably reply that he prefers a cinnaMAN, not a cinnamon roll. Oh snap! Then Sean Connery comes out of the bathroom and backhands Elton for being such a homo. I’m filming it all on my phone, we post it on youtube and make millions.

We then travel back to today, buy real cars, real houses (in California on the beach), buy pretentious dogs and I’ll make food the rest of my life and entertain creatively while you….um….counsel all the criminals at the county jail on how Jesus wants them to be sunbeams, not sundowners (a motorcycle club, and the only reason I know that is because my father n’ law left his wife and newly adopted daughter to join them….aww….now you made me sad, but it’s ok because we still have the time machine. We can go back when we’re sad. The opposite of the movie “Click” with adam stupid sandler).

Man, when the flip are you gonna get here! I’m running out of strength to pursue all this frivolity.

Peace.

I thought it would get on her nerves, but she just laughed outrageously long.

Word.

Happy Father's Day?

I'm pretty sure Father's Day falls on a Sunday...I think it's the rule. But I swear I heard that the 18th was Father's Day, which is today. I'm not sure I know what the universe is trying to say. I'm not sure the universe speaks. Is this real life!
So, since I'm not sure if it's The Day or not, Hallie and I wrote daddy a letter. This morning was a crazy one, mostly because when I got the in shower, Hallie thought she had to as well. Colby is at work, and I couldn't stop her. She took off her pijamas, after much crying and baby deiberation, went and got her toys and started to jump in. I yelled, "Take your diaper off first, sweetie!" She thought I was mad at her and started crying on the floor. So, against my better interest, I just got out of the shower as is and took of her diaper. Oh, except the universe forgot to tell me that she had poo'd and it all fell out onto the rug. Just to make the circumstance less cool, Hallie decided to step in it, hahaha. Whoa...  At this point I'm pretty much dry, with a towel hapharzardly placed in my hair, trying to clean up the mess. I cleaned Hallie up, put the rug in the washer, and filled the tub up. After that, it was pretty much back to normal and we had a fun splashy time.
Oh, whoa, I forgot why I was prefacing this post with such a hurrican story. After I got Hallie ready, and I was finishing my hair, Hallie had some paperwork to do in Colby's end table. When she was done, we had to clean it up. What I had found was a bottle of Colby's cologne from High School... I had asked him to a Sadie's Hopkins dance against my better judgement (thanks hillary! you beautiful tyrant!) and while we were dancing to the stupid song, "Austin", by Blake stupid Shelton, I remember the way he smelt pretty vividly. Call me Anthony Hopkins if you want, but I can't help that I have the nose of a blood hound. Whoa.
Anyway, when I went home that night after all the awkward "do I kiss her? is he gonna kiss me? is my mom spying on me, and my dad pretending he owns a gun?" I was getting into my pijamas and I could smell Colby on my clothes. It made me smile, and immensely grateful for a best friend who knows what's best for me even when I don't.
One smell of that spilled cologne this morning brought all that warm nostalgia back to me, and I realized that our sweet moments aren't over. We've grown together over the last 7 years, and so has our love. It reminds me of a Bob Dylan song, "If Not For You..." Check it out, man. You'll appreciate your hunk even more.
Tell your spouse, father, grandpa, or any significant male authoritative figure in your life (if warranted), how much you appreciate them today. Or tomorrow. Whatever, do both days. And don't do it ingenuously, either; there are too many walking Hallmark cards. I suggest making him something. A photo album, a pie, a blanket...something that will remind him of your love and appreciation for him. Mother's keep the home-fires burning, but Father's provide the firewood.
Peace my lova's!

Mom n' Me



My supportive family! Love you!



She finally likes sunglasses.

She's so thoughtful



Apparently doesn't like these flowers



It wasn't me. I'm too cute for trouble.



This is how mommy does it :)



Dad ate my sandwich

Owl Hoots and Nadia Silver

So cute.



Thighs like what, what, what



she's smiling, because she's kicking the camera

g'ma, grai, and ellis at festival

g'ma hutch

fishy cheeks!

me n fam

babies watching gabba

Owl Hoots

favorite pic of all time

Just a Tuesday morning

I apologize if I'm over-stepping my blogspot bounds of simply "updating" every time some actual event takes place in my life. Sometimes, I just wanna talk. This happens to be one of them.
You know how at certain times during the day you're your most thoughtful, day-dreaming you? The most focused. The most articulate about the most frivolous things? That's usually in the morning for me as soon as I sit at my desk and put on my tunes. I usually have zero work to do, which is not an element to be envious about, trust me. It's torture knowing I could be with my girl, or out doing something of productivity versus sitting here day in and day out for hours on end with NOTHING to do. Hey, thanks for hearing me out.
Anyway, Jakob Dylan, "Yeah, but you gotta give in. You gotta let go. Then you can rise up slow, like a desert horse." I'm unsure how a desert horse rises up slowly in comparison to a non-desrt horse. Perhaps he's referring to a race. Horses race, right? Point is, I wish I could raise up just a little more; a little more gracefully, maybe. "you don't gotta stand up tall, but baby you must stand up". What are your favorite lyrics? How much does music affect your mood? I'm a sucker for a song in A minor and C. They could be singing about babies in the sunshine in A minor and I'd still inevitably shroud myself in a bout of melancholy. I love it. I freakin' love that a combination of sounds can induce something in you not only emotionally, but physically. Think about at the gym: you gonna run better to Tequila Sunrise by the Eagles, or Cochise by Audioslave? Love it.
My favorite music to cook to is Ryan Adams, and Josh Ritter. Ok, confession? I prefer to listen to Josh Ritter whilst doing anything. He may be my personal lifetime soundtrack. That being said, every time I walk into a room, I wish the song "Coming Back to Life" by Pink Floyd (the part where all the happiness ensues, and everybody feels good about life) would play. Colby claims he wants a Brian Sezter song to play (some rockabilly artist-whom I think is obnoxious-dont' hate me, dear), but we all know he really either wants the theme of Star Wars, or Indiana Jones to play. If he's going for hero, he should know that he's mine and Hallie's hero everyday, baby.

Albums I recommend:

Ryan Adams-Cold Roses (disc 1 is a party, disc 2 is one you pop in for a drive).

Josh Ritter-all of them, but if you're gonna purchase one, get The Animal Years. When you do, plug your earphones in and take a solitary walk. I mean, Stephen King did it. It's gotta be cool. I mean scary. Just do it.

Jakob Dylan-Women and Country. I know everybody wants to claim they know the best music-and honestly we all truly feel that way because of our own interactions and associations with the artist or music-but there's a line of Good and a distinct line of Suck. This album falls under the Universal Good. You almost need it. This isn't necessarily a sedentary album. You gotta be doing something minimal so you can focus on it. There's SO many economonical references, and not the pushy political kind; the "hey, you gotta lend a helping hand" kind.

This ain't my first ride, it ain't my last ride, but I've got to keep movin' on.

Let me know your thoughts.

The Performance of a Lifetime! (Or at least a week)

Happy Monday my two courageous blog followers. The sun is shining, the birds are hiding, I was on time for work, and nobody has stolen my drink from the break room fridge yet. It's shaping up to be a pretty promising day. How's that for a prone pessimist?
My weekend was a blast and not nearly long enough. It was nice to get out of our little hobbit-hole for a bit. Mostly because on Thursday our kitchen sink had broken and flooded our freaking house. Everything was soaked and it left that soaked/mildewy smell everywhere. So it was nice to get some fresh air and head up to Ogden to perform.
That being said, Colby was very disappointed with the performance. Poor guy. They turned his microphone down and mine way up (probably because I sing pretty softly) and nobody really heard his performance. He was pretty bummed. I even told the overly-apathetic "stylish" sound guys to turn his mic up. Which they did. Minimally. They were too preoccupied with the notion of looking cool. "Do I look better with my sunglasses on, or off?"
Overall, for me, it was a tremendous success because I didn't release any bodily functions involuntarily. I did what I was told-even put a smile on at my mother's incessant insistence-and sang a solo song at the very end. We got some money for it, and spent our entire earnings taking Colby's parents out to their favorite restaurant for letting us live in their house for a year. It doesn't pay the bill, but the intention is there. The restaurant food, by the way, was the worst I've ever had and never again will I fork out 90 bucks for 4 people at a place that claims to have the best beef in the world, however, is surrounded by fruit orchards and zero cows. If I wanted to a lukewarm turkey steak, I would have purchased one from wal-mart for five cents. Thanks.
The day was great. The day was hot and physically bothersome. Just like I remember from most my days in Ogden. Sometimes you find the oddest details to reminisce about. After, we went home to Hooper to check on my sister, Melody. She's been very ill with an unusual happenstance, but all has been resolved and I wanted to feed her. I love to feed people, especially my family, especially when they're sick. She hadn't been able to eat for about a week, and when I got there she asked me to make mashed potatoes for her. I was ecstatic. I told her potatoes aren't the best thing for her tummy, but i'd make them anyway. She loved them, and Ellis finished them. But, of course. ;-)
My cousins Shelley, and Sam were up with their loves and chillin's and we all had a tremendously sarcastic and great time around the fire pit saturday night making s'mores. I feel a little bad, because my cousin Sam brought his new girlfriend over, and she got a heavy dose of "Hall" that night. Either she's really shy, thoroughly intrigued, or disgusted because she didn't say a word. hahaha classic.
Sunday was likewise wonderful. Slept, slept, ate, and ate... then went to measure the North Ogden Amphitheatre for the benefit concert in two weeks. June 25th, 4:00-10:00. Gonna be fan-flippin-tastic. A lot of local music, good food (even jamba juice), and some cool stuff to purchase. All proceeds go to the local food bank. Help feed our hungry peeps.
I'll post pics when I get home. Over n' out.

Welcome, my peeps

Hallie likes to study after a good bath

Mommy and Baby kitty for baby's 1st Bday

Aunt Maddie and 'Piderman

I'm officially Blogging. I'm Blogging my head off. I don't know how to do this or if it will be welcomed, but in this world of exposure I feel the need to bare it all. Yikes!
That was all a lie.
Anyway, welcome to my Blogspot. Welcome to my beautiful family whom I love and cherish. Colby, Hallie, and I are now living in Provo. Yes, Provo. The happiest place on Earth with habitually zero human errors, non-existing issues, and absolutely no immoral discrepancies. I'm supposed to like it, and I've seriously been giving it a chance, but you gotta be true to your heart (Thanks, Hannah Man-tanna for teaching me that valuable lesson). Nah, it's not too bad. We live in the ghetto, and my kitchen sink is broken but sometimes life is broken and that's ok.
Colby and I finished up Weber State, and he is starting BYU in the fall for Arabic and Middle Eastern Studies. I will be starting at UVU for Business Management with an emphasis in Entrepreneurship (until something more dry comes up). We're both really excited to work hard, and even more excited for when it pays off.
Hallie is growing like a good little jelly bean. She's too smart for her little britches. Seriously, she takes them off all the time and wears them as scarves. She's definitely a girly-girl. On any given day she will steal ALL my jewelry, and wear anything around her wrists that are even remotely colorful. I fear she looks up to me too much.
I got a job working for a credit card processing company as an Underwriter and it's an occupational roller coaster of inevitable joy. I'm really trying to tone the sarcasm down, but then I think of life without it and....well.... It's all one personified elipses.
Colby is working in the deli at Macy's, which is so uncool because he's so brilliant and utilitarian so I pushed him to apply to a different job. He had an interview yesterday and we'll see how it goes!
The mountains are so close to my face here! Ogden, yeah still close, but far enough away they're not looming over me threatening Apocalyptic Horror at every turn. J/k, they're beautiful! Still a little ominous, though...
There's plenty more to talk about, but i'll continue my online exposure when I have more photos. We all like picture books better, anyway ;-)